Image by Gino Crescoli from Pixabay

Who determines whether we are happy or not?

Is it us, or the people around us?

Many people would respond it is based on others, however, operating from the point of view that we create our own reality, is happiness therefore based on how you turn up, or respond to various people/situations/factors?

I am operating from the point of view that it is up to me whether I am happy or not. It is not based on external factors or my response to them.

This can be a little confronting for many people who are not in the life situation they would like to be. In that situation, we have been taught in many ways, that we need someone to blame for it.

Someone cuts me off in traffic – therefore I am justified in yelling at them, and then recounting the story to others (to perpetuate the negativity) for hours after. If it didn’t result in an action, did it really matter? Did it require us to be negative for the period of time after that we focused on it? In both cases probably not. And as with the old quote about hate and the effect it has on the other person, the driver of the other car is none the wiser and therefore your negativity has only impacted you and those you have shared it with.

Another way to handle it is to send the other person some love and light and get on with the things that are really important to you. Like the big dreams and goals you are chasing. In the bigger scheme, focusing on them will have an infinitely bigger impact (and more positive) on your life.

In his book, The Resilience Project, by Hugh Van Cuylenburg, Hugh refers to a student in his class in an Indian school in far north India named Stanzin, who seemed to have found the secret to happiness. He appreciated and was grateful for everything.

In talking with my mentor we discovered what I already knew deep down. When talking about most things, I feel the need to share all the details (which frustrates my wife and people who have known me forever) and part of this is focusing on the negative bits, to the extent of glossing over the positive elements. Why?

It is not helpful to talk about the negatives or to keep talking about them.

My focus now is to share the positives with people and look for something in everything or situation to appreciate. Much like the student in Hugh’s story, if this is achieved, you will be happy.

Western societies (any many others in the last 50 years) are now focused on achieving more, nothing is ever good enough, others always have more than us and therefore, we have incredibly high rates of depression and suicide in societies that are so far progressed from where they were 200 years ago. Unfortunately, that progress hasn’t translated into higher levels of happiness, if anything they have translated into greater isolation, depression and unhappiness.

There is a great quote – many people are working in jobs they don’t like to earn money to buy things they don’t need to impress people they don’t like…pretty sad really.

Happiness is an inside thing. What can you do to be more happy? What is there in your life to appreciate? Stop worrying about what you don’t have. Focus on what you can do to change your situation and then you might find the answers you are looking for.

Enjoy the day and find something to appreciate!